baratron: (poly)
[personal profile] baratron
Yesterday was a little surreal. First of all, a friend who I've known for 15+ years outed themselves as non-binary and planning to start a medical transition approximately 5 hours before we were due to meet in person. Of course, I have no problems whatsoever with a person changing their name and pronoun (as I said, sometimes I feel like the only person in the bi/poly community who isn't non-binary or genderqueer*)- but I usually expect to find out a bit sooner than the day we're meeting for the first time in seven months! It helps to practice the new name and pronoun for a bit by myself so I don't accidentally blurt out the wrong one with the person present.

As it was, I blurted out the wrong name within minutes, and didn't even mean to - I was trying to say "Grant", but my stupid noun aphasia (caused by high doses of venlafaxine, which is otherwise a really good medication for me) cut in and substituted the friend's old name. Just great. Fortunately, friend has indeed known me for 15+ years and has been aware of what my mental health is like when inadequately medicated, and could agree that annoying side-effect beats the state I used to be in.

Then the friend (who may out themselves here if they wish) and I went out for dinner with Shifty and two of his cow-orkers. They were all hideously late owing to their charity work being extremely disorganised, and I was very glad I wasn't sitting in the restaurant by myself. The cow-orkers asked how Shifty and I had met, we started talking about Elder Scrolls Online and the UESP Guild, and it turned out that one of the cow-orkers has been using the UESP wiki since Oblivion (2006). And he was basically fanboying at me for running the UESP Guild and knowing the site owner.

Meanwhile, my friend was talking about their wife and girlfriend, and I was talking about Grant and "my husband, Richard". I mentioned things like when the three of us go out for dinner, how they always pick the same thing and then one of them has to switch so they can try more dishes - that they don't just have the same taste in women. While not explicitly at any stage using words like "polyamory" or "open relationship".

The dinner was nice and it was not too stressful, but I was feeling pretty wiped out by the end. I seem to be fighting some sort of throat infection, which is attempting to ruin my holiday and can sod off any time now.


*I am bigender rather than non-binary or genderqueer, so I am female except when I'm not. I have somewhere between a few hours and a few days of raging gender dysphoria per month where my entire body is Wrong, and the (actually bi but scared of women) gay man in the back of my head comes out. And the rest of the time it's just fine and I want to be addressed as "she/her" and recognised as A Female Geek Doing Nerdy Things. The conclusion I've come to is that my social and political gender is female, but my sexual gender is male.

yes i'm that friend

Date: 2017-04-14 05:48 pm (UTC)
hoopycat: (Default)
From: [personal profile] hoopycat
Dr. Strangelove: Of course, the whole point of a Gender Refrobulation is lost, if you *keep* it a *secret*! Why didn't you tell the world, EH?

Ambassador de Sadesky: It was to be announced at the Party Congress on Monday. As you know, the Premier loves surprises.

Re: yes i'm that friend

Date: 2017-04-14 07:33 pm (UTC)
hoopycat: (Default)
From: [personal profile] hoopycat
I did link this to a few of my online genderqueer friends, so it may be a little more than 20 but not too much more, heh =^.^=

Re: yes i'm that friend

Date: 2017-04-17 01:58 am (UTC)
trishpiglet: (Default)
From: [personal profile] trishpiglet
Hello :)

Date: 2017-04-17 01:57 am (UTC)
trishpiglet: (Default)
From: [personal profile] trishpiglet
Our relationship to our gender labels can be complex and I suspect a lot of people (me included) say 'ah fuck it, this label is close enough'. But as people in the Bi community 'come out' or redefine, there's an effect that more people feel empowered to do so too. IMHO.
Edited Date: 2017-04-17 01:57 am (UTC)

Date: 2017-04-18 02:18 pm (UTC)
barakta: (Default)
From: [personal profile] barakta
Very much this.

I like that most people in the bi communities we're part of don't argue about others' gender/orientation identities and generally do their best to get name/pronoun right. That space and freedom has been invaluable for so many and I hope more people take that relaxed flexible approach.

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