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The Story Of The Baratron
"baratron" is not my nickname. It's in no way, shape, or form my name - it's just my login name. Why do I have a login name that's not my name, and what does it mean? Here's the explanation, now (finally!) written up as an entry by itself :)
What is a Baratron?
A Baratron (R) is a piece of equipment used to torment students in physical chemistry laboratories. If you value your life and/or sanity, do not participate in Temperature Programmed Desorption of Ammonia. You have been warned.
Seriously - in my final year at university, I did a term of physical chem lab. One of the experiments I was required to do (had no choice about it) was called "Temperature-programmed desorption of ammonia". The basic idea was that we got a zeolite, which is like a molecular sieve (they use them in washing powders to get things clean, f'rex), put it in a vacuum chamber, and then added ammonia gas. Switched off the gas supply, put it under vacuum, to see how much came off. The basic idea was to measure the amount of adsorption the zeolite could handle at a variety of temperatures, and use this to estimate the surface area of it. I think (it was quite a few years ago, now).
It is probably obvious from this description that having a vacuum was kinda important, right? Somewhat fundamental to the whole measuring adsorption by watching the thing desorb? Well... we didn't have one. Oh yes, we had a vacuum pump, and vacuum glassware, but there were more leaks in the pipework than a garden hose that's run over a rake. To be an official vacuum, the pressure of air inside the glassware needed to be at something like 0.00001 atm - and the best we could get was like 0.03 atm.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
meeping and I did our best to fix things by tightening taps and adding silicone grease, but it was like trying to polish a turd... Plus, I had managed to dislocate my shoulder in my sleep (!) a few days earlier, had strained a load of muscles round my collar bone, and had my right arm (the useful one) in a sling.
And the lab demonstrators were useless. More interested in reading The Sun than in helping theabused confused students.
So we obtained an utterly appalling set of results, along with distressing readings on the Pirani gauge (which we nicknamed the "Piranha gauge") and the Baratron, which were measuring the strength of vacuum, or lack thereof. Hence we exploded in a fit of surreality and Fear that we would fail our degrees (this being not entirely unlikely at that point, btw). The time-honoured tradition of "Find out what the results should be and make it up" wasn't going to work, because the results were recorded on a data-logging pc, and thus unalterable.
So I... um... noticed the pc was a crappy 386 and that the software was on a floppy disc, and, er, took the disc home with me one night. Well, I wasn't depriving anyone - only one pair of students could use the equipment at a time! Thus I managed to forge a set of results which, whilst still dodgy, were at least dodgy within the realms of Experimental Error and Incomplete Vacuum, rather than demonstrating a complete lack of vacuum. And thus, we obtained crappy marks for that one experiment, but our marks for the rest of the lab were okay, and we did eventually obtain decent grades in our degrees.
But that whole term of chemistry lab was a truly horrendous experience, and working together to survive it guaranteed thatmeeping & I would either be friends for life or never speak to each other again. So far, it seems the former is applying :)
Why I use baratron as a login name when it is in no way, shape or form my name...
Try setting up an account on any busy website. Even assuming you want to use something based on your real name, you'll find most variants of your name and/or initials have long since been taken. Naming yourself after your favourite band, singer, author, book character, cartoon character, video game, video game character... is probably likewise impossible, unless you want to be known by a "humourous" misspelling of it, or are happy to insert random numbers, _s or Xs in to try to ensure your uniqueness. Even then, you'll probably go through 5 or 6 attempts at least before you find something unused.
The ideal thing is to pick something weird that no one else would think to use, and then you'll know that whatever new site you go to, the name is likely to be free. Right?
The fact is that being a fairly arcane piece of laboratory apparatus, no one else would ever think to use "baratron" as a login name. I mean, even a really dedicated surface scientist probably wouldn't name themselves after the meter they use to measure vacuum pressure, would they? Search for "baratron" on Google and you'll get links to MKS themselves and people who sell vacuum equipment, and then links to things by/about me. MKS are probably wondering who on earth this helen-louise person is, and what she has to do with them.
When I first went online, in 1994, I used astra as a login name. When I had a Scary Stalker incident (it was scary to me at the time, ok?), I changed it to alice - then later, for ease of differentiation, to astral alice. That was the nickname most people met me under - and it was a real-life nickname as well.
I started to phase out astra and alice through sheer lack-of-uniqueness - and by the time I set up my lj, I'd basically stopped using astral alice because I didn't feel much need to be anonymous on web forums anymore (and the name no longer felt appropriate). I thought about astralalice and astralice and astalice, but at least one of those sounded like an infestation, and I wanted something new. So I went for baratron as a joke, and it seems to have stuck.
But don't think I want people to shout "Baratron!" at me in the street. It's not my name. It's just a handy login name. I do occasionally wish I could change it. But the only logical thing to change it to would be "helen-louise". And I'm not sure I want to be quite that easy to find.
What is a Baratron?
A Baratron (R) is a piece of equipment used to torment students in physical chemistry laboratories. If you value your life and/or sanity, do not participate in Temperature Programmed Desorption of Ammonia. You have been warned.
Seriously - in my final year at university, I did a term of physical chem lab. One of the experiments I was required to do (had no choice about it) was called "Temperature-programmed desorption of ammonia". The basic idea was that we got a zeolite, which is like a molecular sieve (they use them in washing powders to get things clean, f'rex), put it in a vacuum chamber, and then added ammonia gas. Switched off the gas supply, put it under vacuum, to see how much came off. The basic idea was to measure the amount of adsorption the zeolite could handle at a variety of temperatures, and use this to estimate the surface area of it. I think (it was quite a few years ago, now).
It is probably obvious from this description that having a vacuum was kinda important, right? Somewhat fundamental to the whole measuring adsorption by watching the thing desorb? Well... we didn't have one. Oh yes, we had a vacuum pump, and vacuum glassware, but there were more leaks in the pipework than a garden hose that's run over a rake. To be an official vacuum, the pressure of air inside the glassware needed to be at something like 0.00001 atm - and the best we could get was like 0.03 atm.
meeping and I did our best to fix things by tightening taps and adding silicone grease, but it was like trying to polish a turd... Plus, I had managed to dislocate my shoulder in my sleep (!) a few days earlier, had strained a load of muscles round my collar bone, and had my right arm (the useful one) in a sling. And the lab demonstrators were useless. More interested in reading The Sun than in helping the
So we obtained an utterly appalling set of results, along with distressing readings on the Pirani gauge (which we nicknamed the "Piranha gauge") and the Baratron, which were measuring the strength of vacuum, or lack thereof. Hence we exploded in a fit of surreality and Fear that we would fail our degrees (this being not entirely unlikely at that point, btw). The time-honoured tradition of "Find out what the results should be and make it up" wasn't going to work, because the results were recorded on a data-logging pc, and thus unalterable.
So I... um... noticed the pc was a crappy 386 and that the software was on a floppy disc, and, er, took the disc home with me one night. Well, I wasn't depriving anyone - only one pair of students could use the equipment at a time! Thus I managed to forge a set of results which, whilst still dodgy, were at least dodgy within the realms of Experimental Error and Incomplete Vacuum, rather than demonstrating a complete lack of vacuum. And thus, we obtained crappy marks for that one experiment, but our marks for the rest of the lab were okay, and we did eventually obtain decent grades in our degrees.
But that whole term of chemistry lab was a truly horrendous experience, and working together to survive it guaranteed that
meeping & I would either be friends for life or never speak to each other again. So far, it seems the former is applying :)Why I use baratron as a login name when it is in no way, shape or form my name...
Try setting up an account on any busy website. Even assuming you want to use something based on your real name, you'll find most variants of your name and/or initials have long since been taken. Naming yourself after your favourite band, singer, author, book character, cartoon character, video game, video game character... is probably likewise impossible, unless you want to be known by a "humourous" misspelling of it, or are happy to insert random numbers, _s or Xs in to try to ensure your uniqueness. Even then, you'll probably go through 5 or 6 attempts at least before you find something unused.
The ideal thing is to pick something weird that no one else would think to use, and then you'll know that whatever new site you go to, the name is likely to be free. Right?
The fact is that being a fairly arcane piece of laboratory apparatus, no one else would ever think to use "baratron" as a login name. I mean, even a really dedicated surface scientist probably wouldn't name themselves after the meter they use to measure vacuum pressure, would they? Search for "baratron" on Google and you'll get links to MKS themselves and people who sell vacuum equipment, and then links to things by/about me. MKS are probably wondering who on earth this helen-louise person is, and what she has to do with them.
When I first went online, in 1994, I used astra as a login name. When I had a Scary Stalker incident (it was scary to me at the time, ok?), I changed it to alice - then later, for ease of differentiation, to astral alice. That was the nickname most people met me under - and it was a real-life nickname as well.
I started to phase out astra and alice through sheer lack-of-uniqueness - and by the time I set up my lj, I'd basically stopped using astral alice because I didn't feel much need to be anonymous on web forums anymore (and the name no longer felt appropriate). I thought about astralalice and astralice and astalice, but at least one of those sounded like an infestation, and I wanted something new. So I went for baratron as a joke, and it seems to have stuck.
But don't think I want people to shout "Baratron!" at me in the street. It's not my name. It's just a handy login name. I do occasionally wish I could change it. But the only logical thing to change it to would be "helen-louise". And I'm not sure I want to be quite that easy to find.
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I mean, if someone refers to me as astral alice, or just alice, it doesn't offend me, and I know they mean me. But I have that momentary need-to-translate which I don't really get when people use my real name. And also there is where the name alice came from (the song "Alice" by the Sisters of Mercy), which is a place I'm not really in anymore and don't really want to be in again.
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Bloody hell. Would you believe it - I'd actually forgotten that you used to be be astra/alice.
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My current LJ name was the product of my not believing that I'd ever use livejournal for anything. I was on an IRC channel at the time where one of the users was all gung-ho about livejournal and kept trying to get us all to sign up for accounts. She eventually through sheer badgering coaxed us all to try it. I was using Epiphyte on the IRC channel at the time, which I'd picked by my usual means of choosing IRC nicks (which changed every six months or so -- the nicks, not the method); I picked up the book nearest me, flipped it open to a random page, stabbed my finger at it blindly and picked the word closest that appealed to me. (I did use a few other methods. On some occasions I would just pick the first word or sound or phrase that popped into my head or I would choose the band name, album name or song title that happened to be playing at the time.) Anyway, I didn't think I'd ever use it, so I didn't want to bother a lot with making a name for it. Epiphyte, however, was already taken, so I shortened it to epi_lj. (Everyone on the channel had taken to calling me "epi" by then anyway.)
As you know, in person I usually go by, "If," but a lot of people who know me from that IRC channel or from livejournal call me epi in person also, which I'm perfectly happy to answer to.
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You've made my day ^__^
Now that I know all of this, though, is it still right to call you "baratron" online or would something else be more appropriate?
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the hatterno subject
My own user id is derived somewhat along the same lines.
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(and i just want to piont out that
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The number of times we cribbed results off one another was scary, because that was less scary than ED-TheLabBastard consigning us to his perpetual shitlist. Ed wasn't a nice person at the best of times, if he decided he hated you then you were in for all kinds of abuse based on your gender, skin colour, child-status etc etc (yes complaints had been made, but no other bugger would do the job so the uni ignored them)...
The /one/ time I asked for a minor concession in labs because of my hands got me a ten minute barrage of abuse including "Don't use your disability as an excuse for laziness or avoiding nasty work!". This combined with my already depressed state over understanding maths caused me to say 'fuck this' and quit. I do miss it now though, but I would never do chemistry at Sheffield again.
Baratron has to be the coolest piece of equipment name I've heard of...
Natalya
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The horrors poor students are put through! In socual science here I've heard "I'm not a bigot, it's you who is icky" more than once from the foetid mouth of Staff.
I usually think of you as h-l, occasionally astral alice (as you know). You don't resemble a Baratron to me.
My own lj nic is a tritely obvious one, of course, and one which I was quite surprised to find available. I was just grateful not to be stuck with porridge, fuzz or ruru as I was at Skool.
anonymity
(Anonymous) 2009-02-16 08:40 pm (UTC)(link)this i know because
(i) i have actually seen the HLN photo on a US college recruitment website
and (ii) because i saw you once in Wimbledon
Mark
and of course (iii) your photos show otherwise
Re: anonymity
Really, I should remove the link to it, but I keep hoping I'll get it back!
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I have always assumed that baratron was the name of some esoteric japanese computer game you liked. I assumed it was something like a next generation robotron that had only been released in japan on pc engine or a towers system or something.