The problem with that is she lives in a small village that is almost completely inaccessible by public transport. The nearest railway station is a good 16 miles away and takes half an hour by taxi. As far as we know, any bus that exists is ridiculously infrequent and doesn't go all the way anyway - we need to look into that again. We both cycle, but I can't manage that sort of distance - and Richard's bike doesn't fold, so needs special permission to go on the train. We are carfree by choice and neither of us even has a driving license to hire a car for the day. The last time we visited her, we asked some friends to drive us, and then owed them favours for the next year. They no longer have a car that takes 4 passengers (they have a Smart car instead).
I suppose this all sounds like an excuse to her. Maybe it is. I find it extremely stressing to visit relatives at the best of times, because of my food issues and breathing allergies. People think you're being rude when you refuse hot drinks and biscuits - but I get way too sick from dairy products to risk even one biscuit. I've tried to explain this to numerous people on numerous occasions, but it doesn't get understood. The fact I used to be able to eat these things gets brought up, and I try countering with the information that I didn't used to be anywhere near this sensitive to dairy (I think I've been intolerant to it my whole life, but I only really noticed once I got old enough for my digestive system to stop producing lactose) - but it gets seen as me being faddy. So I much, much prefer it if people come to visit me, in an environment where I control the allergens. We *have* normal milk, and biscuits, and even ice cream that I can't eat - I've never forced anyone to have any of my "funny" milk unless there wasn't any normal in the house for some reason! But even asking people to come to us is seen as me being difficult :( And visiting us isn't possible for an elderly, frail relative, who has even fewer transport options available than we do.
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I suppose this all sounds like an excuse to her. Maybe it is. I find it extremely stressing to visit relatives at the best of times, because of my food issues and breathing allergies. People think you're being rude when you refuse hot drinks and biscuits - but I get way too sick from dairy products to risk even one biscuit. I've tried to explain this to numerous people on numerous occasions, but it doesn't get understood. The fact I used to be able to eat these things gets brought up, and I try countering with the information that I didn't used to be anywhere near this sensitive to dairy (I think I've been intolerant to it my whole life, but I only really noticed once I got old enough for my digestive system to stop producing lactose) - but it gets seen as me being faddy. So I much, much prefer it if people come to visit me, in an environment where I control the allergens. We *have* normal milk, and biscuits, and even ice cream that I can't eat - I've never forced anyone to have any of my "funny" milk unless there wasn't any normal in the house for some reason! But even asking people to come to us is seen as me being difficult :( And visiting us isn't possible for an elderly, frail relative, who has even fewer transport options available than we do.