miserable

[baratron]

This is stupid. I am miserable and in pain, and afraid to post in my own goddamned livejournal in case people have a go at me for worrying about my health instead of the war.

I'm sure when my doctor said last week that my problem was chronic hyperventilation and sent me out of the surgery with a printout, he honestly thought that was all I needed. But since then I've done some research, and realised that I've probably never breathed correctly my whole life. It would seem that chronic hyperventilation is a growing problem in asthmatics. Years ago, when there weren't so many drugs available, an asthma diagnosis would be routinely followed up with breathing retraining to make sure that people were using their lungs as well as they could - but this has fallen by the wayside since inhalers became available. It's unfortunate, really.

I've now got and read this book. It is crap. Half of the book is dedicated to convincing you that hyperventilation might indeed be the cause of your problems, and the other half is bordering on new age wishywashy bollocks. There are only about 10 pages of actual breathing exercises to do, but they are entirely unhelpful to me. Clearly, I have never breathed properly in my life. So how am I supposed to work out for myself how to do it, just from a text description and a silly cartoon, only slightly relevant to the subject matter? I need diagrams, lots of them, with arrows to show movement, and explanation of the difference in physical sensation. Actually, I need someone trained in breathing retraining to hold the various parts of my body and physically show me what it should feel like.

I am feeling completely awful, because I am getting worse, not better. And now I have this constant nagging feeling that I'm not getting better because I'm not trying hard enough - this is, after all, a comparatively minor problem with a simple treatment. But now I'm conscious of my breathing all the goddamn time. I haven't slept properly in days because I lie awake worrying about whether I'm breathing properly, then when I do eventually fall asleep, my nose gets blocked, I have nightmares and wake up dizzy and light-headed from oxygen deprivation. Tonight it's all coming to a head, because my shoulder, neck and intercostal muscles hurt all down my left side - I don't feel wheezy, but the last time they hurt like this was the lovely Christmas day when I had such bad asthma that it needed hospital treatment. I'm not sure that bronchiodilators would do anything to help, because I don't think there's anything (particularly) wrong with my lungs, and I don't really feel like spending out money for a taxi to go up to the hospital and have them say they can't really do anything. I'll call the doctors' in the morning for an emergency appointment with anyone and beg for a referral to a specialist physiotherapist. I've even got a list of specialists in my area! I just need a GP to take me fucking seriously for once in my life.

Comments

[kshandra]

I am miserable and in pain, and afraid to post in my own goddamned livejournal in case people have a go at me for worrying about my health instead of the war.

They wouldn't dare! So help me, I'll kick their arses - and I don't care if I have to walk across the Atlantic to do it. ;-)

Worry about what you damn well please, dear. The war will take care of itself in one way or another.

I just need a GP to take me fucking seriously for once in my life.

So mote it be.... *hugs*

[lizw.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you're feeling miserable. djm4 and I want to come round and bring you food and keep you company one evening, if Tuesdays are any good to you (that's our regular night together), but we'll need to wait until this sinus infection I've got has cleared up - it seems to be contagious, and I don't want to add that to your troubles.

[memevector.livejournal.com]

And now I have this constant nagging feeling that I'm not getting better because I'm not trying hard enough - this is, after all, a comparatively minor problem with a simple treatment.

Simple is not necessarily easy.

As for the old "trying harder" spiel... In my experience, people frequently think (and advise) that things are a matter of trying harder when they blatantly are not. If I want to fly, I'm not gonna be able to do it by trying really really hard to flap my arms up and down! I need an aeroplane! or a hang-glider!

I.e. sometimes no amount of trying hard will replace a particular resource. and this sounds like one of those.

Good luck with the GP. Sounds to me like there's a good chance they should be able to hear that you have given this a serious try and established that now you need a different kind of help. At least you don't have to argue with them over their diagnosis at this point - you're agreeing with them on that.

::hugs:: if you want them

[vampwillow]

worrying about your health not the war is very sensible; the war we can (sadly) do nothing about now except watch and hope it doesn't effect us personally, but the quality of our health is something that we can have some element of control of or input into the direction of.
On the inhalers thing, btw, I think I've always taken the view that pills and potions are (generally) a bad thing as they can mask the cause of symptoms or prevent the body from dealing with something in its own way.

[hiddenpaw.livejournal.com]

The TV is going to be wall to wall war for weeks. Personaly I'd apreciate the veriaty of sombody talking about something else other than another post about how we shouldn't go to war because it was george Bush's idea. I've actualy started reading posts about your health again (mind you there is less chemistry and pharmicloergy in them at the moment so I just about understand them) [:
I've also been regualy reading the posts of freinds who I know write 90% suicidal rants which I have't done in a while which makes your posts light reading. Frankly this was is having a strange effect on me. I also seem to be listening to a cd of christmas carols for no apparent reason.

[gerwinium.livejournal.com]

How dare you not support our troups now they are risking their lives for our better.. blah blah blah blah
:)

Aww... *hugs* Hmm, wheezing is one of the minor symptoms of asthma, in fact I don't think I've been wheezy in years. I just get the feeling that I don't get enough air and coughing/phlegm combination, sometimes chest pains because the muscles are having to do too much to breathe in. I found the one occasion that I phoned NHS Direct in the middle of the night with similar problems very useful. In fact, I think the nurses are much more capable than the GP that I went to see.

*hugs* and hope your emergency appointment works.

[redbird]

It's your LiveJournal, and you're entitled to write about your life.

I can get more war news than I want by clicking in other places.

The only breathing-and-sleep thing I know to do is to inhale slowly, then exhale slowly and say "one" to yourself, over and over again until you fall asleep. But that's not a treatment for hyperventilatin, just one of my tricks for stopping my mind racing and falling asleep.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

First, I think it's good that you're posting about your health.

Secondly. Do you want possibly useless possibly useful advice on breathing?

If so.

I would try Pilates breathing exercises.

First, stand (or lie down) straight. Relax your shoulders, feel your fingertips extending down to the ground, and lengthening your arms. Make sure your spine is as straight as possible.

In through your nose, expand your ribcage rather than your abdomen. Breathe completely, until you feel your lungs fill all the way.

Hold.

Out through your mouth, actively expel the air (so you can hear it. Some people like to say "whooo".), using your stomach muscles, "pulling navel to spine". Exhale completely, envisioning "wringing out rags".

Hold.

Inhale again, this time trying to keep stomach muscles tucked.


I'd do this for 10 breaths, and then quit for a while. Do it again later. At the very least, it'll get some more air into you and stop your hyperventilating for a little bit. Small improvement, but significant, maybe?

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Tuesdays are good. Actually, every day is good unless I feel really rotten, or have other plans. (This may change if I can get into physiotherapy quite quickly).

[baratron.livejournal.com]

90% suicidal rants? Ick. Sounds very un-fun.

Would you be able to come round one evening next week, to keep me company and play video games? I can give you the money for your bus fare, and either cook something or give you the money to go out for a takeaway... (I know you're still very broke).

[baratron.livejournal.com]

...expand your ribcage rather than your abdomen.
Inhale again, this time trying to keep stomach muscles tucked.

These sound like the complete opposite of what the book and all the online sources say I should be doing! Apparently, my problem is that I do all my breathing in my ribcage rather than my abdomen. Also, that I take "big" breaths instead of "deep" breaths. I think this exercise would make me about a hundred times worse.

What I need to learn is how to breathe deep inside my abdomen rather than only in the top part of my lung. I managed to do it today lying on my stomach, which is the easiest way for hyperventilators to learn to breathe properly, but it took all my concentration. (I spent a fun hour in bed doing breathing exercises, which would have been the most boring hour of my life if I hadn't needed to concentrate so hard). Trying to do it on my back, sitting up or standing up - let alone whilst having a conversation - will take a LOT more practise, and like I said, having a physiotherapist or nurse holding the various bits so I know what it is supposed to feel like.

This is why I'm really quite reluctant to go to anything like yoga and pilates until I've seen a specialist several times and know what the breathing is supposed to feel like. And this, plus every other problem I have, means that "gym"-style classes, where there are 20 or 30 people in the class, would probably do me more harm than good. I need the intensive kind of class, where there are only 5 or 6 people, so the teacher can make up exercises suitable to each individual's ability and problems, and constantly correct each person. At the moment, I don't have anything like the money for this, or any way of getting to it, but it's definitely something to look into over the summer.

[baratron.livejournal.com]

I'm perfectly supportive of the troops, I'm just not supportive of the war. Actually, Robin Cook made that point very well in his resignation speech that I linked to...

Hmm, I always think of that coughing/phlegm thing (trying to clear delicious yuck out of lung tubes) as "being wheezy", even if my lungs are not actively making a wheezing noise. Just a different lexicon, I suppose. I will spare you Incompetent Doctor Rant at-least-number-5 about my asthma cough.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

Mmm. Yeah, I can see how they would seem completely opposite. You should probably concentrate on just one, and it sounds like you've found one.

There's a difference between breathing with the "top" of your lungs, and using your chest muscles to breathe all the way down, which is what Pilates is doing. In the U.S., it's often possible to find small classes at dance studios where the first lesson is free. The one I went to a few weeks ago only had 5 people in it.

And the way it's taught in Pilates class, it's most often done lying down. I wish I were there so I could demonstrate this to you, as I know it's confusing to read. The Pilates breathing is exhaling with the abdomen, and inhaling with the ribcage. Not like yoga breathing, or singing breathing, but the reason I recommend it (in my unprofessional, amateur capacity) is because I've always had trouble doing the abdominal breathing exercises, but I can manage Pilates, and it's also helped my posture and abdominal strength.

[gerwinium.livejournal.com]

I actually put a </sun> tag in there, but I forgot to escape the brackets. I'm in fact trying to get away from the war, it just depresses me. I hope that everyone comes home in one piece, but I still don't agree with what the UK and US are doing here. Anyway, back to work with me.

[hiddenpaw.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I'll be in suffolk all next week.