helen-louise's journal

My health has been slowly breaking down over the past few months, and I don't just mean my mental health.

Just before the coronavirus really kicked in, I went to the US to attend PAX East and visit Grant. The convention itself was great, met several important friends, and hung out with some of the Elder Scrolls Online devs. Again. Given that I work for UESP they already have a pretty good idea who we are.



( Cut for more pictures. )

One of the important friends (Tatanko) drove Grant and I 8 hours across country to State College, PA, where he lives, from whence we hired a car and drove another 2 hours to Grant's grandmother's funeral. Which was fine. His dad was really pleased to see me/us. His mum and brother were a bit more surprised, but I think ultimately glad we made the effort, and I don't really care about anyone else.

Then I got home and had to go straight into isolation, because although I didn't get a letter telling me I had to, I take one of the inhalers on Asthma UK's list of "medications which imply your asthma is bad enough that you should be shielding". So over the past however many weeks since I got home, I have been out of the house 4 times - and 2 of those were for doctor's appointments. I am very lucky to have a Richard because I would have literally starved by now without his loving cooking.

Also... well, this story is long, and needs some privacy.

My apologies for the lack of updates. I have been eaten by chronic fatigue . Fortunately, I am staying with Grant, so I have access to an Emotional Support Alligator.

At some point I should write about things such as PAX East, Being a V.I.P. at Bethesda Game Days, and interviewing Todd Howard (yes, the Todd Howard), but I kinda have to get that interview typed up first. Our interview with Rich Lambert is online in video format and I'm 2/3 of the way through the transcription. Can you believe it takes an hour to transcribe 5 minutes of audio? It's nothing to do with how quickly a person types, it's the effort required to get all of the dialogue recorded perfectly. We tried an auto-transcriber and it had severe issues with all of the fantasy universe words. ( If you'd like a laugh... )

In other news, I believe there is a BiFest in Kingston today, which would be very convenient if only I was in Kingston instead of on another continent. I expect a full write-up (within session confidentiality rules) and lots of photos (with the consent of the people in the picture). Please.

I fly home tomorrow. These trips to the US seem to go quicker every time. Of course, it doesn't help that this time I spent a week either in bed or lying around on the sofa complaining about how ill I was.

Grant didn't have a lot of time off work because he's saving his vacation days for visiting me at Christmas (12th December to 1st January - well, arriving on 13th and flying back the morning of 1st). So we've mostly been travelling at weekends. We went to a zoo a couple of hours east of here, which made us a little unhappy and uncomfortable because the animals really didn't have enough space and some of them were displaying stress behaviours. The grizzly bears were okay, the North American black bear cubs were okay, but the black bear adults and the wolves were definitely very unhappy. We've also been to the Corning Museum of Glass - which does have some science as well as art, and to the Everson Museum of Art in Syracuse. Tonight we were supposed to be going to the Rochester Contemporary Art Center but Grant is asleep. Also I am supposed to be doing some paperwork and getting myself ready to go home tomorrow, and instead I am involved in two fairly weighty conversations on Discord :(

Grant has a new psychologist who specialises in treating adults with autism. This is a good thing. However, as part of the assessment she's given me a Repetitive Behaviors Scale – Revised (RBS-R) form to fill in and it's really fucking offensive. ( Content warning: Discusses stupid neurotypicals' idea of autistic behaviour. )

I am home after the journey from hell. Summary: There was an ice storm in northwest New York state and southern Ontario which caused a whole load of flights to/from Toronto Pearson airport to be horribly delayed or cancelled. Mine was delayed for 26 hours.

It was rather awful because we got no food and drink provided by the airline until around 5 am, when we were supposed to have taken off at 9.55pm the previous day and been fed and watered within an hour of that time. There was some food and drink for sale at the airport, as well as a water fountain, which we could use while stuck at the gate - but no cups were provided for free, so people not in the habit of going through security with an empty bottle to fill once they're through were dehydrated. Also our checked luggage, having been screened, were not given back to us once it was decided that the plane would be cancelled. So we all had to spend the day with nothing but whatever we had in our hand luggage - which was a particular problem for me since it meant I did not have my wheelchair charger.

Unsurprisingly, between stress, spending all that time in an airport or aeroplane with thousands of other people, and sitting upright for far more hours than my spine will allow, I am now rather ill. All I can say is that if this had to happen to me, I'm glad it was when I was 41, with a credit card, travel insurance, and a well-treated anxiety disorder - rather than when I was 21. Tomorrow's job is to claim on said travel insurance. I have the letter from the airline stating the delay, both of my boarding passes, and receipts for my food, hotel, and taxi. (I'm not sure if I have the receipt for the emergency phone charger which I had to buy at the airport, nor if that's a thing I can even claim for, but I'm going to try.)

I would like to write a timeline of events, but that involves more spoons than I currently have available. So just "enjoy" my Skype and/or text messages. ( Long. )

You are probably wondering why I haven't written anything on Dreamwidth for a while, and the answer is that I have either been too busy or stressed to write anything, or too busy recovering from being busy/stressed. I had a particularly unpleasant run-in with some friends a couple of weeks ago which necessitated the writing of a very detailed email, which used up about a month's worth of Coherent Writing Spoons.

This week has been particularly stressful because I am getting ready to go and visit my Grant. Monday involved a massive list of chores:( Read more... )

On Tuesday, I collapsed in a heap.

Yesterday, I had some social media work to do for UESP. 15 minutes before the new Elder Scrolls Online expansion was due to be announced live on Twitch, I heard a strange sound and discovered we had, quite literally, piss water pouring through our kitchen ceiling. This isn't the first time we've had a bathroom leak which became a kitchen ceiling leak, but it is the first time that it's been grey water rather than clean. A minor domestic might have ensued, due to my despair that our plumbing had been fucked for 10 days and Richard hadn't made it a priority because of work, combined with Richard's belief that I use too much toilet roll. (TMI, I'm sure, but I can't just shake myself dry! I'm not sure anyone with my type of anatomy can!)

We finally figured out that I could call Thames Water's 24-hour emergency line and sit through all the being on hold, and then pass the phone to Richard to speak to the actual Thames Water person using proper engineering language. Also we set up the camping toilet. I was not coping and had a raging headache just above my left eye. It didn't help that we were OUT OF CAKE and Richard had managed to leave the cake that he'd bought me in Wagamama when I phoned to say that the drains had become critical.

A friend asked just why our house drains are so evil. They're about 30-40 years old, ceramic, and they've started to crack in the soil. As a result, soiled water leaks into the ground, making our weeds in the back garden grow like crazy. Meanwhile, any solid effluent gets stuck in the pipes without any liquid to push it along.

We had the drain under our house, which is our responsibility, relined in October for the grand total of £100 because our insurance company paid the rest. However, the drain outside our house, which is Thames Water's responsibility, has never been repaired. They only ever come along and hose it out when there's a problem. From experience, about 75% of the workmen at Thames Water's contractor Lanes are lazy buggers who don't want to work.

Lanes called Richard today at 17:18 saying that an engineer would be dispatched and he would call when en route. Said engineer turned up at 18:20 or so without calling while I was in an old, holey pair of pyjamas. It was too late to access the appropriate manhole, being the one at the end of our garden just outside our property border, because the MOT garage there shuts up about 6pm. He said he would check with the neighbours to see if it was possible to clear the blockage from there, and then disappeared. About 18:45 or so my mother was leaving the house and she asked where the guy from Thames Water had parked. I said "Just up the road, why?" and she said "I'm sure I just saw the van leaving". Lo and behold, I checked with our neighbour and the workman had indeed done a runner.

This is a complete and utter Lanes "special". The engineers turn up, look at the problem, fail to believe anything I say, and then bugger off without a word to me. I literally cannot BELIEVE that he didn't call my phone or knock on the door to say he was leaving. I am PISSED OFF. We have no functioning toilet other than the camping toilet, which is a bucket with a seat, and not really suitable for Number Twos.

Meanwhile, I'm supposed to go and get on a plane tomorrow morning. I have done the online check-in for my flight tomorrow, I have told 2 x banks that I am going abroad, and I've updated my travel insurance because it runs out during my trip. I have also called Lanes and had a good moan, and we have an appointment booked tomorrow between 10am and 12 noon.

I wish I felt excited about going to see Grant. He's excited because he's lonely and touch-starved, and he's going to get me for over 3 weeks. I feel guilty because I'm running off and leaving Richard with a house with a backed-up drain, a squeaky bathroom sink tap, and some sort of alarming leak in the bathroom which is soaking the tiles and running down to the kitchen ceiling. It doesn't seem fair to leave one of my primary partners dealing with a WHOLE LOAD of plumbing problems while I'm off enjoying myself with the other one. I really should be here to support Richard while he works on it - but I can't afford to reschedule my flight.

It's just frustrating and upsetting and not what you need before a holiday.

Who is going? And who wants to share a flat with me?

Proviso: I need an accessible room/bathroom which may reduce the number of humans that can be accommodated within the flat.

Saturday, April 22, 2017, 10:00 p.m. — Monday, April 24, 2017, 5:00 p.m.

Due to system maintenance during the dates and times listed, there will be a partial shutdown of AirTrain JFK service. There will be no service to/from all airport terminals and no service at the Howard Beach and Lefferts Blvd stations. AirTrain JFK service will continue to operate a normal schedule to/from Jamaica Station and Federal Circle. Free shuttle buses replace service and will be available at the affected AirTrain stations and airport terminals. Please allow extra time when traveling to and from John F. Kennedy International Airport and see a Customer Care Representative for assistance if needed.

Argh! I just LOVE the idea of having to travel around the airport in a shuttle bus instead of a nice, accessible train! *facepalm*

In the process of importing my livejournal. Hoping it won't take forever because 2001-most of 2013 is already here. Wondering about some of my communities (the two or three that I really care about) because I haven't been back to lj to "agree" to their TOS and mark my entire journal as Not Suitable For Children yet. Mostly due to lack of time.

In the meantime, if you want to be added to my Fiends List and use a different username here, please comment. I do so like Dreamwidth's separation of "Subscribe" and "Grants Access".

I am currently in Rochester, New York, USA visiting my partner Grant. Here are some pictures from Monday:


( And two more! )

Yesterday and today, I've been wanting to talk to people but I have absolutely no spare energy with which to do so. I have reverted to taking 2000 iu of vitamin D per day as of today, because I'm shattered and not convinced that the 400 iu tablets are doing enough.

I'm supposed to be going back to College in 10 days or so, but I haven't sorted out any of the paperwork yet because it involves too much effort, and circular situations where I need a form from A to give to B and a form from B to give to C, but I can't get the form from A until I have the form from C. Gah! And right now, I am sufficiently exhausted that I am not even sure if I'm up to going back for this term. I really can't go back and then immediately have to take time off again, but I do need to get things like Disabled Students' Allowance in place again if I am going back.

Mental health has not been good in my little family this past week. We have all been depressed for no particular reason. Richard has been anxious, Grant has been tearful, I have been having nightmares. I know that I need to have my next trip to see Grant arranged as soon as possible, so it's settled and I have something to look forward to, but I just don't know when will be convenient. Since this year is a round-number birthday, I was hoping to do something special for it, but I am increasingly feeling that my original plan (go to Iceland again) isn't what I want to be doing this year.

While organising trips to various places, I have to decide if I am going to BiCon this year. I feel that it would be beneficial to me to be in bi space considering that I currently appear to the outside world as straight twice over, but it involves energy and organisation which I don't quite have right now. The deadline is apparently pretty soon though. Who else is going?

In other news, I have found some mysterious photos on my computer. I mean, they are patently photos of me and Richard hanging around in our hallway in January 2012, but it is mysterious as to why we took them. They are all exceedingly yellow and would require considerable correction in Photoshop to fix. I thought maybe Richard had bought a new camera and we were testing it out, but the numbering starts at IMG_6562.jpg. Weird!

I am in Toronto with @Wicked_Shifty! Sorry for the lack of updates... the wifi in our hotel room is beyond terrible, so we've come down to the lobby to post sickening adorable pictures.





Shifty says, "Without internet, we have had to find other ways to amuse ourselves. Surprisingly, the TV hasn't been turned on yet." :D