Pride and proud

[baratron]

Got stuff to say, and some of it's really important - so I'll do my usual thing of starting with the most trivial. What I should really do is start with the most important and work backwards, so it doesn't matter when I run out of energy and give up, but the most important stuff requires a brain that has already been tamed into submission. Hrm.

...uh, I've run out of energy already.

Had strange dreams on Thursday night, went to the pub with the drunkbisexuals on Friday night, and to Brighton Pride on Saturday. I am not in this photo. We had lunch at the place that does The Best Vegetarian Sausages In The World (imo), so I was pleased about that. I came back from Pride with a strange woman's bra in my bag. [*]

It was much less hot in Brighton, so merely very warm and sunny rather than ohmygodi'mgonnadie, and there was a reasonable breeze for most of the day. However, the trains were packed in both directions, and the one going down had no air conditioning and only tiny windows. We were packed in like a cattle truck, and the humidity in the carriage was unbearable. A lovely homophobe got on and started berating the three guys who were trying to stop him getting on, because there just wasn't enough room. He ranted at them all the way to Preston Park, and I thought "You've really picked the wrong seaside town to go to if you hate queers" - seeing as Brighton is the sort of place where same-sex couples can hold hands on the street even not on Pride day! And also the fact that over 50% of the people in the carriage were going to Pride. Idiot.

Going to Pride is something quite important to me. As a bisexual and especially as a bisexual in a long-term opposite-sex relationship, it's important for me to go along and get counted as Someone Who Likes The Same Sex Too. I don't like London Pride - apart from the fact that when I hear "London Pride" I think of the beer rather than the event, it's too damn commercial. It's very centred towards gay men on the scene, to the extent that the one year I went, I felt quite excluded for being a woman, let alone a woman with a boyfriend. And the fact you have to pay to get into the festival afterwards just sucks. Brighton Pride on the other hand is free and welcoming to everyone - including straight supporters and families. So it's a much better place to be.

Anyway, so I've seen some of my friends that I hardly ever get to see, and feel all affirmed. But I can't think of a good closing sentence.

[*] It did however belong to the strange woman that I had gone to Pride with. Ah well.

Comments

[lindsical.livejournal.com]

How did you get a bra??? o.O someone was having a lil fun?? :) jk h-l

I wish there was something like that in my town... but here there are a buncha homophobes. Gay ppl are like the plauge... Bisexuals are big freaks... and poly ppl... we are lepers

[otterylexa.livejournal.com]

If we told you, that would spoil the mystery... ;)

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Well, you know, poly is having your cake and eating it. And that has to be wrong. No one should be allowed two cakes! Even if you baked them both yourself!

No, what you should do is to have an affair behind your partner-that-you-live-with's back. Or several. Because it's complete hypocrisy to actually ask them if it's okay first, let alone to introduce your partners so they can spend time together doing stuff they both enjoy and you don't. Anyway, then you don't get the "pleasure" of cheating, all the lying and secrecy - no, that's not allowed.

Seriously - I do think a lot of the prejudice about non-monogamy is based on jealousy on the part of the person being prejudiced. After all, the vast majority of people are attracted to more than one person at once. So most people have been faced with the options of 1) Dump existing person for new person (serial monogamy), 2) Have affair with new person while seeing existing person (cheating) or 3) Ignore attraction for new person and continue with existing relationship, while being forever bitter towards your existing partner for denying you the chance to see new person ("faithfulness"). Some people who've been through the route of being "faithful" might be really quite pissed off to discover that in fact they could have negotiated non-monogamy with their existing partner if they'd ever been told it could be an option.

And of course this situation isn't helped by some poly people who consider themselves better human beings who are more evolved than monogamous folk, and who preach non-monogamy for all - even for people who are quite happy being monogamous. Lovely flames, lovely lovely flames.

It's not helped by the conflation of bisexuality and polyamory. There are bisexuals who prefer monogamy, I know several of them. But a lot of people assume that a bisexual will always want two partners, one male and one female, whereas that's not always the case. So if you're a bisexual, you must be greedy, and you must be spreading AIDS around. Never mind the fact that the rate of heterosexual transmission of HIV is higher in most places than homosexual, and that many bisexuals have heard of safer sex...

Did I miss any myths? I'm sure I did.

[johnckirk.livejournal.com]

It's not helped by the conflation of bisexuality and polyamory

Yes, that's something that struck me as odd in one of the early Bujold novels ("Barrayar", I think). There's a quote from Cordelia about Aral: "He used to be bisexual. Now he's monogamous."

[m31andy.livejournal.com]

John,

Yup - pretty sure it was Barrayar. At the ball, to Vordarian. *shudder*

H-L,

Hi honey. Lovely to *see* you again. Bet you don't know who this is eh???

Hugs,

Andy (no, not my *real* name!)

[baratron.livejournal.com]

I have no idea. I have a guess based on the low number of females associated with icsf, but the one I'm thinking of I didn't think was the same age as me. So... care to give me a clue? Email's fine.

[m31andy.livejournal.com]

I'm an old friend of Stuarts?
The opposite union...
You've also met a couple of my friends from work!

And, yes we were in the same year!

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Indeed! That struck me too.

It's been pointed out to me that my rant sounds like a rant at release82 rather than a rant in support of her... so I just thought I'd comment to say that.

[damerell.livejournal.com]

It's the easiest way for her to make the point to Vordarian; and she's implying that he now has _no_ interest in anyone else (and hence is attracted only to women by virtue of being attracted only to her.)

[rowan-leigh.livejournal.com]

I remember telling my sister about the time I went to Brighton Pride - to meet Del LaGrace Volcano - and her going on about the way I dress looking 'obviously gay'. All I did was wear combat trousers and army boots, for goodness' sakes, and she couldn't work out how I could possibly have passed for relatively normal given some of the people present.
Pah.

[otterylexa.livejournal.com]

Hmm, well, that's your sister for you...

[kiya]

When I was over on your side of the pond a few years ago, I went to the Brighton Pride with lizw and djm4 and . . . you know, all of them.

It was my first Pride, actually.

And it was damn cool: just all of those people who were . . . so obviously happy to be themselves.

*waves hands helplessly* Thing!

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I felt London Pride was about people stomping through the streets shouting "I am gay! (and sod you if you're not)". Whereas Brighton Pride seems more about people saying "I'm happy to be me". The fact that apparently-straight people take their kids and march alongside their g/l/b/t friends is really nice. Richard and I got abuse during the London Pride parade a few years ago - even though we were marching with a bi banner!

I am told by people who have been bi activists for many years that London Pride didn't always be the way it is, but I don't have enough energy to be an activist most of the time. I'd rather just vote with my feet.