I am in shock.

Today I got a Christmas cracker which contained a stereotypical utterly appalling and unfunny Christmas cracker joke that I... hadn't.... heard... before?! How could such a thing be possible? I mean, I thought all the jokes in Christmas crackers had been recycled when I encountered them in 1985 (and noticed they were the same as the ones which I'd thought were vaguely funny in 1984), and as I've got older, the jokes have got older and older too. I didn't think there was any way a new joke could appear - but my God, this one's new to me at least!

So here it is:

Q. Why is a piano so hard to open?
( Click here for the 'punchline' )

my attempt at world domination!

o yeah. Earlier today, I had this bright idea for something to improve the lives of many. It went like this:

One of the many reasons why Richard is a great boyfriend is that his answer to the perennial female question of "Does my bum look big in this?" is "Yes! It looks fantastic!". Having a man who considers my derriere to be an attraction rather than a drawback is definitely one of the plus points in our relationship. Noticing the abundance of this particular paranoia amongst women, I figured that I could do some good by promoting the idea that plenty of men rather like the big bum thing. So I figured that every big-assed woman needs a man who loves big asses.

But then I figured that not all women want men, and hey, I like women too - so thought it should be changed to every big-assed woman needs a partner who loves big asses.

But then I figured that not all woman want partners, and some of us want more than one, so decided to go with every big-assed woman who wants partners should have someone who loves big asses.

But then I thought why leave out the smaller-assed women, whose partners might appreciate their talents just as much? So every woman who wants a partner should have someone who loves her ass.

But then I thought why leave out those straight & bi women and gay men who utterly appreciate their boys' butts? So we should just go with Everyone who wants a partner should have one who loves their ass.

Print it up, put it on t-shirts, post it in your lj! Spread the word!

There is a serious message here.

It's a SPOOF, you fools...

Oh my God, I think I need to cry.

One of the kiddies on my Pokemon forum has posted a link to Landover Baptist Church thinking it's real. And lots of other people have replied, also all thinking it's real.

*weeps*, posts link to The Onion.

procrastination saved my life

It's amazing what I find myself doing when I'm procrastinating doing something I really don't want to do...

(collating & stapling 283 pages of various exam papers, since you ask)