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this is NOT me being cryptic!
Sep. 11th, 2005 12:52 amToday was a very productive day.
You know when you like someone and you know they like you but you're not sure in what way they like you? And it's someone you met very briefly in real life 2 years ago, and thought was attractive then? but you haven't actually seen them since? But you've been communicating online, and you're pretty sure you have a crush on them. So then you see them in real life again and have a proper conversation, and find you are definitely interested in a closer relationship than you have currently? But you're really bad at flirting. And the other person is at least at bad as flirting as you are, but you know they are potentially interested, but not whether they are potentially interested in you. So then you have to do the "um... er..." communication thing and try to communicate your interest, while simultaneously not sounding like a complete mad obsessive who will come round & stalk them if they only want to be friends?
Yeah. That.
Some people would suggest at this point to go for direct communication, like sending an email directly communicating "hello, do you want to be my partner?", but that sets up the possibility of rejection, or the other person feeling pressured to decide, when they might want to go very slowly over a few months and make sure that we really are compatible. And especially whether our disabilities are going to collide and cause stress, which is something you can only work out by actually trying closer-than-just-lj friendship first. And I know how badly my last relationship crashed & burned when I tried to circumvent all these safety checks and went straight for a Relationship with someone that I wasn't already friends with (and now he doesn't even want to be friends, & I can't blame him, because I was a nutcase during the relationship). So it is sensible to take things really slowly, even if it's frustrating. And, imo, and especially considering that crash & burn - if there's a chance of it going either way, it is always better to get a good friendship than a bad Relationship.
But, argh!
Someone needs to come up with some kind of form letter for these situations. Yes, I've seen the Poly Geek Relationship Disclosure Form - it's not really appropriate when you already know someone well enough for both of you to know most of the other person's answers. Maybe I should just take the parts of it that say "If this relationship continues to work well, I would like to do [X, Y & Z] with you".
( Oh, sod it. )
You know when you like someone and you know they like you but you're not sure in what way they like you? And it's someone you met very briefly in real life 2 years ago, and thought was attractive then? but you haven't actually seen them since? But you've been communicating online, and you're pretty sure you have a crush on them. So then you see them in real life again and have a proper conversation, and find you are definitely interested in a closer relationship than you have currently? But you're really bad at flirting. And the other person is at least at bad as flirting as you are, but you know they are potentially interested, but not whether they are potentially interested in you. So then you have to do the "um... er..." communication thing and try to communicate your interest, while simultaneously not sounding like a complete mad obsessive who will come round & stalk them if they only want to be friends?
Yeah. That.
Some people would suggest at this point to go for direct communication, like sending an email directly communicating "hello, do you want to be my partner?", but that sets up the possibility of rejection, or the other person feeling pressured to decide, when they might want to go very slowly over a few months and make sure that we really are compatible. And especially whether our disabilities are going to collide and cause stress, which is something you can only work out by actually trying closer-than-just-lj friendship first. And I know how badly my last relationship crashed & burned when I tried to circumvent all these safety checks and went straight for a Relationship with someone that I wasn't already friends with (and now he doesn't even want to be friends, & I can't blame him, because I was a nutcase during the relationship). So it is sensible to take things really slowly, even if it's frustrating. And, imo, and especially considering that crash & burn - if there's a chance of it going either way, it is always better to get a good friendship than a bad Relationship.
But, argh!
Someone needs to come up with some kind of form letter for these situations. Yes, I've seen the Poly Geek Relationship Disclosure Form - it's not really appropriate when you already know someone well enough for both of you to know most of the other person's answers. Maybe I should just take the parts of it that say "If this relationship continues to work well, I would like to do [X, Y & Z] with you".
( Oh, sod it. )
