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baratronDamnit. I am sitting in an empty computer room crying my eyes out.
We're supposed to be writing a 2000 word essay about our own "experiences as a learner" - both in school and elsewhere. But of course it's impossible for me to write about school without writing about how badly I was bullied. And that's stirring up all sorts of emotions. Have a chunk of my essay to read:
I would highlight one of my science teachers as an example of how not to teach. For a start, she made it very clear which members of the class she liked. Her favourites could get away with anything, while the pupils she disliked would be yelled at for trivial offenses. I very much fell in the second camp. My theory now is she rejected me because I was too clever, and did not yet have the maturity to hide it. She picked on me because I sat at the front and put my hand up for every question, like Lisa in The Simpsons. She didn’t like it when I finished my work too quickly, or if I found a better way to do something than the way the book said. Her particular criticism was that I made “irrelevant” comments. I remember this well: we were doing flame tests of metals in a general science class, and I asked if that was how the colours of fireworks were made. At university, I eventually found out that, indeed, that was the case. But my teacher had done her best to make me feel small, and crush my natural enthusiasm for the subject out of me.
I have a small amount of sympathy for her, because I discovered later that she had been battling cancer for a while, and this had obviously affected her energy for dealing with "difficult" pupils. But I wasn’t disruptive – I was just really interested in science! I still feel upset, more than ten years on, for having my teacher ridicule me in front of the class for no worse offence than enjoying the subject. I was, of course, bullied horrendously throughout my schooling. I was intelligent, good at academic work, shy, sensitive, very bad at sports, and far too trusting – a clear target. Yet, while I am merely angry at the teachers who ignored my complaints even when I had bruises and holes in my uniform, I am outraged at a teacher who acted as a bully herself.
Y'know, this is the actual reason I always rejected the idea of being a teacher when people suggested it to me - the fact it's taken me ten years to stop being scared of large groups of children in school uniform. Even this time last year, I'd cringe if I was on the train at 4pm when there was an influx of kids, in case they noticed me - even though rationally I knew I must register only as a slightly odd-looking adult, not one of their peers who could be a good target. The part of my brain that was still 12 years old would go "meep - got to hide before they see me". It just completely fucking sucks.
And don't tell me I'm brave for going into teaching. I'm doing it because those poor kids who are geeks and freaks need someone there who's on their side - who has the authority to actually kick the asses of the ones who make their lives hell. Frankly, I don't want anyone else in the whole world to have to go through what I had to go through. I can't help everyone - but I can make a start.
We're supposed to be writing a 2000 word essay about our own "experiences as a learner" - both in school and elsewhere. But of course it's impossible for me to write about school without writing about how badly I was bullied. And that's stirring up all sorts of emotions. Have a chunk of my essay to read:
I would highlight one of my science teachers as an example of how not to teach. For a start, she made it very clear which members of the class she liked. Her favourites could get away with anything, while the pupils she disliked would be yelled at for trivial offenses. I very much fell in the second camp. My theory now is she rejected me because I was too clever, and did not yet have the maturity to hide it. She picked on me because I sat at the front and put my hand up for every question, like Lisa in The Simpsons. She didn’t like it when I finished my work too quickly, or if I found a better way to do something than the way the book said. Her particular criticism was that I made “irrelevant” comments. I remember this well: we were doing flame tests of metals in a general science class, and I asked if that was how the colours of fireworks were made. At university, I eventually found out that, indeed, that was the case. But my teacher had done her best to make me feel small, and crush my natural enthusiasm for the subject out of me.
I have a small amount of sympathy for her, because I discovered later that she had been battling cancer for a while, and this had obviously affected her energy for dealing with "difficult" pupils. But I wasn’t disruptive – I was just really interested in science! I still feel upset, more than ten years on, for having my teacher ridicule me in front of the class for no worse offence than enjoying the subject. I was, of course, bullied horrendously throughout my schooling. I was intelligent, good at academic work, shy, sensitive, very bad at sports, and far too trusting – a clear target. Yet, while I am merely angry at the teachers who ignored my complaints even when I had bruises and holes in my uniform, I am outraged at a teacher who acted as a bully herself.
Y'know, this is the actual reason I always rejected the idea of being a teacher when people suggested it to me - the fact it's taken me ten years to stop being scared of large groups of children in school uniform. Even this time last year, I'd cringe if I was on the train at 4pm when there was an influx of kids, in case they noticed me - even though rationally I knew I must register only as a slightly odd-looking adult, not one of their peers who could be a good target. The part of my brain that was still 12 years old would go "meep - got to hide before they see me". It just completely fucking sucks.
And don't tell me I'm brave for going into teaching. I'm doing it because those poor kids who are geeks and freaks need someone there who's on their side - who has the authority to actually kick the asses of the ones who make their lives hell. Frankly, I don't want anyone else in the whole world to have to go through what I had to go through. I can't help everyone - but I can make a start.
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no subject
Date: 2003-09-18 04:37 pm (UTC)However, while I don't want to put you off the idea, I'm wondering whether you have any examples of how teachers should behave? This is almost certainly something you've already considered, and hopefully something that they'll cover on your course, but just in case: what would you do if someone told you that they were being bullied? Or if you saw it happening directly, for that matter? I get the impression that most teachers nowadays have their hands tied, e.g. they'll risk get sued if they even touch a pupil.
Personally, by the time I left school, I didn't have much of a problem of people picking on me. However, there was a friend of mine, Matthew (2 years below me), who consistently got picked on by another boy, Nick (3 years below me). So, I adopted a simple rule - each time Nick hit Matthew, I would hit Nick. Once he realised that this was the pattern, he started behaving himself. The drawback was that it only worked while I was around, and I was concerned about what would happen the following year after I left the school. (I don't actually know how it turned out in the long run.) I was hoping that I could encourage Matthew to stand up to Nick himself, knowing that I was there to back him up, so that once he got into that habit, he wouldn't need me anymore, but that didn't really happen. Anyway, the point is that as a fellow pupil, I could get away with this (Nick couldn't complain about me without getting himself into an equal amount of trouble), whereas it would be more iffy for a teacher to do that (particularly in a state school). Mind you, I guess that you're less equipped to be violent anyway. I'd certainly like to think that there's a peaceful way of solving problems like that, but I haven't witnessed it.
The main advice I'd give is that reputation is very important, so start as you mean to go on. (This applies to teachers and pupils.) Once teachers got a reputation for being very strict, they rarely had to punish people, because everyone would behave. Whereas if they started out being perceived as soft (a common problem if they took the "hey, I'm your friend" approach), it was very difficult to overcome that.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-19 04:12 am (UTC)Yeah, my essay had plenty of examples of good teachers, too :) Just I found it a lot harder to give examples of how wonderful some of my teachers were than to constructively criticise the bad ones. And I didn't really need to vent about the good ones in my journal.
We should meet up sometime this century, btw. Email me.