meh

[baratron]

Today, I feel rotten. My PMS has been bad this month - not as bad as it used to be, but much worse than it has been for a long time. I've been irritable, depressed and somewhat paranoid for a week.

Last night I had bad dreams followed by a very good dream which made me sad when I woke up because it isn't true. I want to crawl into a hole and die. Instead, I have to attempt to do invoices, and get out of the house early enough to pay for the flights I booked yesterday, and get myself to work - and even the leaving the house bit feels like an impossible task right now. Ugh.

I need a cuddle.

Comments

[judiff]

Bunnyness.

You had really bad PMS (and period pain) last cycle too (becos it's like why you couldn't make it to Brighton Bifest) - do you think it needs like looking at? And can we be like helpful with that becos we are kind of gynecology-geeks now after all our stuff

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Don't think so - this is still within the range of normal-for-me. And I know that normal-for-me isn't necessarily normal, but I have been diagnosed with premenstrual dysphoric disorder (http://pmdd.factsforhealth.org), which is really severe PMS with psychotic tendencies. In the same way that I'm hypomanic around the middle of the month (have tons of energy and my brain works fantastically well), I go crazy near the end of the month (every self-harm or suicide attempt incident I've ever had has been on day 23 of my menstrual cycle).

So yeah - this only seems bad because my PMS has been relatively quiet for the past couple of years. (There was at least one period that "crept up on me" because I didn't go psycho the week beforehand!). It's actually not that bad compared to how bad I have been in the past while un/undermedicated. But I suppose it's further proof that my mental health isn't being adequately treated at the moment. I have a doctor's appointment organised already, just have to wait for it.