A poll about manners.

[baratron]

Someone at work is really getting on my nerves. After a "conversation" with her this evening, I decided to come home and write this poll. In the questions where I talk about a random co-worker, I mean someone that you have no connection with apart from working at the same place. When I talk about a friend, I mean someone that you do have some kind of interest in or connection with, someone that you care about for specific reasons, rather than just because they're another human being.


[Poll #97047]

I'll be interested in people's answers. I think some of these situations are more clear-cut than others. Feel free to explain your reasoning in comments.

Comments

[saoba.livejournal.com]

In my tribe, reading is sacred. we will say, "When you reach a good stopping point..." or "Can we talk for a second?". And that is standard with my *partner* and I... J Random Person gets less slack.

Shortening my name is not a capital offense.. the first time. The only person granted the right to shorten my name at will was my late grandmother. I am utterly willing to be politely firmly inflexible about this, I will flat out say "I don't answer to that, my name is Barbara."

[lizw.livejournal.com]

I answered that the overuse of my name would bother me because it seems borderline obsessive, but I'd like to add that I'm aware of at least one reasonable excuse for doing it - some people have terrible memories for names, and using them a lot during conversation can help reinforce the memory and makes it less likely that they'll forget who I am.

[jhaelan.livejournal.com]

Assumption: random co-worker is someone who you have a "working relationship" rather than a personal one; basically a random not a stranger.

Is this about manners or about working culture? Where I work, if you're in the office (i.e. building, not necessarily at your desk), you're at work. Lunch is a perfectly acceptable time to approach someone and bounce ideas off them, though it happens rarely. If you want space, you eat elsewhere.. Randoms trying to know you better rather than wanting to discuss a particular topic... well, you take your chances but normally I don't mind. With friends it entirely depends on the situation.. Mostly, there's a momentarily flare of annoyance but then my sociable side takes over...

And names.. Like to just let it slide off, may be correcting them. Both my forename and my surname are ripe for shortening and, in the latter case, complete mispronounciation... Water off a duck's back, unless they persist.

Hmm... Basically, I'm easy ;)

[adjectivemarcus.livejournal.com]

Luckily I have a name most people don't shorten, but I have had a few people try to call me Marc and then act like I'm a snob for asking not to be called that.

And if I'm reading and eating I can't do a third thing.

We have an unofficial unspoken rule in our work canteen. It's a long room with long tables, there's a central aisle and then the tables run out from this to the wall. There's about 6 seats either side. If someone is sat at an empty table but has gone down to the wall they don't want company, if they're sat by the aisle they do.

[nitoda]

I tend to sit at my desk in our office with my lunch, reading. I do get annoyed if interrupted, but then again I have a choice and I could choose to go sit in my car if I wanted to escape totally. I used to go to the canteen when I first started working here but it was like still being on duty cos people kept either apologising for not returning their books on time (as if I had an accurate memory of whose books were overdue - sheesh!) or asking about books they had ordered, or whatever. A certain amount of that was OK but sometimes I needed a break!

I think if you work with people intensively then you need a chance to switch off and immerse yourself in a book or similar solitary pursuit at break times. Well, I do!

Shortening name

[bfo.livejournal.com]

The shortening my name question is one that i have a strong opinion of, I don't mind people shortening my name to Cath as thats what i expect people to call me unfortunately i can't seem to introduce myself as that, If anyone ever asks my name or I have to introduce myself then i can't stop myself giving my full name of Catherine, yet i still find it slightly weird when they call me Catherine instead of Cath. The only person that still calls me Catherine is my Dad and i answer him but if anyone else uses it I think they are talking to someone else.

[damerell.livejournal.com]

My answer to the second one really depends on whether they know about the book or author, or if they read a Tom Clancy "novel" once.

[barakta]

I've never really had a job in that kind of environment so I've not filled in the poll, but I have to say I don't like people shortening my name.

I guess my name is complicated cos legally I am Natalie, but I haven't used that in a long time, I started using Natalya about 1997 era and its the name I now prefer (I will be legalising this when I can be bothered). I guess its partially my own fault for changing the way I like to be called over the last few years. I never used to mind being called Nat as a kid, but I didn't let ppl at 6th form college call me Nat, and now that I live with someone called Nat its just plain confusing.


I will answer to Natalie cos it is technically correct as much as I hate it, but when I change my name legally I'll expect people to start remembering that I am Natalya. I have become a lot more anti being called Natalie in the last 18 months, not helped by my Dad's girlfriend having a neice called Nathalie and the constant comparisons to this person I haven't really ever met. I don't like my dad's girlf very much, and she is constantly going on about how her middle name is Natalie, and that this is somehow a good thing.... Fneh.

Natalya isn't that much different, but it makes the difference. Not to mention I get to nuke the middle name which I have always hated, it isn't me and bugs me. hehehe I even have my mother's blessing which is appreciated cos I do respect her and wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.

I guess if you introduce yourself as X people will generally follow that and if they change your name in a way which you don't like and you ask nicely that they don't then they should respect that. I know sometimes people will shorten names because they couldn't remember if you were just being formal when you introduced yourself, or being 'correct'.

I think the shortening can work the other way, my girlf is called kim and sometimes people insist on calling her kimberly, and refusing to accept that her name is not and never has been kimberly....

Oh and a final thought, do you have friends/aquaintances who have specific capitalisation for their names? I know quite a few people who don't capitalise their names by preference....

Interesting post

Natalya

[johnckirk.livejournal.com]

Now that I'm a student again, the co-worker issue doesn't apply, so I've answered these questions based on my previous jobs (primarily the most recent one). Basically, I would normally read at lunchtime, either a book or a website. I would rather read than talk to my colleagues, but it wouldn't really annoy me if they started chatting, because I'm used to it, and I know they're trying to be sociable. If they're going to talk to me, then I'd prefer them to talk about the book I'm reading, since at least that's something I'm interested in (as opposed to "did you see the football last night?").

If it's a friend rather than a co-worker, then the situation is completely different. I'm always happy to talk to my friends, unless I'm in a real crunch situation (e.g. night before an exam).

I haven't encountered the situation where someone uses my name in every sentence. The nearest I've come to that is on IRC, where people will say "John: yes" or similar, when there are multiple conversations going on at the same time. That's sensible on practical grounds, so it doesn't bother me.

Similarly, people don't generally abbreviate my name, since it's hard to get shorter than one syllable :) The nearest I've come to that is a previous employer (up north) who used to call me "Johnny". Basically, it was ok for him to do that, because I owed him a lot (I wouldn't have got through uni without that job), but I wouldn't respond to it from anyone else (which has never been an issue).

[johnckirk.livejournal.com]

One other thought on the "shortening names" issue. I know you don't like it when people call you "Helen", but when I first did that it wasn't intended as an abbreviation. When you'd introduced yourself, I thought you were taking the "female celebrity full name" approach, a la Sarah Michelle Gellar, i.e. that Helen was your first name and Louise was your middle name. So, might be worth clarifying that with your colleagues, if it's bothering you.

[hiddenpaw.livejournal.com]

People messing around with my name is a real pet hate of mine. I've had several names over the years as it is and they have been an intricate part of who I was at the time. change my name and you make me sound like sombody I am not. Worse still was when I was going by the name of Eddy and an aquaintence kept leanthening it ot Edmund. I really hate that name and edward which my sister would occationaly use when she was trying to sound impresive was almost as bad.
The whole thin just grates