Shit.

[baratron]

No one else I know is allowed to commit suicide, okay?

I don't really need comforting, because I was a vague acquaintance rather than a close friend, but, hell... You know how there are people you never bother getting to know well because you just assume they'll be around forever, and then suddenly they're not? And I remember him telling me about his battle to get an antidepressant that worked at alt.polycon in February 2002, and I didn't have much time to listen because I was stressed out.

Shit. Just shit.

And the person I know who wrote recently that they think they don't have any friends, just people who tolerate them - see all the people who wrote about him that he was loved but he couldn't see it. People who wanted to be his friend and try to help, but who couldn't say the right thing.

I was going to post a couple of silly links, but now is not the time.

Comments

[esbat.livejournal.com]

because you just assume they'll be around forever, and then suddenly they're not?

I'm acutely familiar with the concept at the moment. It's shit.

[necturus.livejournal.com]

I considered him a friend, if not a close one. I wish to God he could have found another way.

I too have battled depression at times in my life -- most recently in late June/early July. On the morning of July 4, just after watching the local parade get rained on, I felt a great black nothingness, a black hole of hopelessness and despair, tugging at me, and fought it off.

It is all about being compassionate to oneself, as I mentioned to Iain at apc10 just about a year ago (was it indeed a year ago? It seems more like two) when we were talking about depression and how to deal with it.

Suicide is the ultimate act of self-hatred. O, would to God he had found another way.

Iain will be missed.

[meirion.livejournal.com]

And the person I know who wrote recently that they think they don't have any friends, just people who tolerate them

Erk. I think you're probably talking about me here.

*Intellectually* I don't believe that, but *emotionally* I do.

I'm actually more worried now than I was that, for all I've battled against things, it's likely to end in tragedy. And I wonder, if it does, how many people would say that they couldn't really have foreseen any other outcome.