thoughts about email.

[baratron]

I sent my friend Tim four emails last night. This was despite the fact that I spent yesterday evening with him & his bf, and had spoken to him on the phone several times over the weekend. Admittedly, all of the emails were relatively short, and mainly consisted of "Oooh, have a look at this web site I found" or "Oh my God, I just found A Very Strange Item on eBay" (yes, we found a baratron on eBay. No, I didn't bid for it) - but I still spent something like half an hour or more writing to someone I'd only just seen.

Then, I spent several hours sending long emails to people that I had been promising to write to for some time. And it struck me how imbalanced that was. Why is it that the majority of the email I send is to the people I see every day, about trivial things? And the important email - the messages communicating love and affection - goes unanswered and unwritten for weeks at a time?

I'm not sure that this question has an answer.

Comments

my answer

[nitoda]

Actually I recognise that syndrome all too well. My email correspondents fall into three categories. Much of the email I receive is speed-read and skimmed over and not replied to - I'm on a lot of mailing lists. Some stuff I'm able to quickly send a one-line type response to and that gets done. Some stuff needs longer and is more important, but doesn't get done. So you're not the only one! Some people will get pretty much immediate replies even if the email required is lengthy - they should *know* how special they are! But if someone falls into the category of special enough to warrant serious attention but not special enough to drop everything right now and reply, then they are the ones who paradoxically, have to wait the longest. Thus can friendships be lost, if the friends are susceptible to feeling neglected. Fortunately most of my friends are busy people and tend more to feeling hassled if I reply instantly than feeling neglected if it's a while before I get back to them!

Hugs,

nickie{D}

more thoughts

[baratron.livejournal.com]

But if someone falls into the category of special enough to warrant serious attention but not special enough to drop everything right now and reply, then they are the ones who paradoxically, have to wait the longest.

I'm rarely in a situation exactly as you've described. What tends to happen to me is that I find myself too busy, tired or brain-dead to devote the amount of time and/or attention required to reply to one of these important people. That's the problem that I have, really - I think "oh, I'm really too tired to give this message the thought it deserves - so-and-so deserves more - I'll do it later" - and later ends up being much later. Ironically, I think the problem is, rather than being not special enough to drop everything and write, some people are so special that I get afraid to write when I'm busy or cranky in case I say the wrong thing and have to spend another ten emails un-saying it. Probably more unjustified paranoia on my part :)

Re: more thoughts

[meeping.livejournal.com]

So the fact that I receive many short emails from you is a bad sign, I'm not important or special? :P

meeeep!

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Did I say that? Did I? Don't put words into my mouth :(

What I meant was that people like you I know well enough that I can come out with any amount of bollocks and you'll still like me. So I can happily send you email or ring you up when I'm tired, cranky or brain-dead and you won't suddenly think "Oh my God, she's a psycho!" and run away.

Re: meeeep!

[nitoda]

So now i get to jerk you around and say, Oh, so you don't trust me enough to just say any old thing and know i'll still like you, eh? (evil grin)

Come off it! There's this switch with me, see - if i let you get close enough to even start caring, then it doesn't switch off - trust me, on that at least, please! That may be why i don't have too many friends .... but once a friend, pretty much always a friend, or at least always someone who will be remembered with affection and gratitude for having known them and shared stuff with them, even if we end up losing contact.

But that's probably just me, i'm wierd, i know.

nickie{D}