I am pissed off and I want to cry.

[baratron]

I know that the next doctor I see will not be an expert in depression. So I'm trying to find out useful information so that I'll have some idea of what to tell them & what to ask for. I've been reminded by an entry in kixie's journal (thanks!) that my type of depression is called "atypical". The best simple description of it I've found is this: Atypical depression is a variation of depression... The sufferer is sometimes able to experience happiness and moments of elation. Symptoms of atypical depression include fatigue, oversleeping, overeating and weight gain.. Also The sufferers of depression with atypical features will respond to negative or positive external events. They will feel deeply depressed or somewhat hopeful depending on the latest situation they are faced with. Their mood will brighten considerably when dining out with friends or enjoying a good movie. But when they are alone, their mood will slip back into the dark depths of depression. Yup, that's only too familiar.

And reading through these websites with psych information - I'm reminded of the times I went to see my doctor at college, telling her I was depressed, begging her for help - and getting no response except hassle about my weight and dieting information. Being told I didn't have clinical depression because I was sleeping all the time and putting on weight, whereas if I had depression I'd be unable to sleep and losing weight... oh, and if I had depression I wouldn't feel happy when good things happen. Christ! All those fucking years - what was it? three years that my depression went untreated because no one in my college health centre would believe I had it. In the end I was given Prozac for six months, and when that did nothing this was just confirmation that "there was nothing wrong with me". Not that maybe it was the wrong drug for me or the wrong drug for my type of depression.

Argh. Reading this is bringing all those memories back - when I was so desperate I really did want to die - and the number of times that Richard and Marcus saved my life. If I pray for anything to be universally granted, it would be for doctors to actually know their subject.

And now I am going to cry.

Comments

Huge hugs

[nitoda]

If you don't want to know about anyone else right now, don't read this! It's probably not at all relevant to you ... *sigh*

I managed to get Mike to the doc yesterday - first time in many many months. He's been on Efexor 225 mg for a long long time, maybe a year? Seems to have plateauxed out. Not as ill as he was, but still prone to plunging into deep depression. Like you he can eat though. If someone else provides food or snack food is available, so he has put on weight. We discussed getting some kind of diagnosis for him yesterday at the docs - feel depression is not quite it. Doc thinks (and this was Mike's idea initially) in his case it may be Asperger Syndrome. We are going for a private referral (cost approx £100 according to GP) so we can access a thorough diagnostic psychiatrist! NHS referral could just mean seeing a SHO with less experience or knowledge of psychiatry than the GP has! Was NOT impressed with last time we visited the psych clinic at Doncaster - doc didn't seem interested in exploring or diagnosing, just sending patient away with tablets to see if they did any good! My GP is currently researching local shrinks to see if he can come up with a good thorough diagnostician with knowledge of autism spectrum disorders ...

Re: Huge hugs

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Other people's problems are interesting to me, whether they're relevant or not. And in Mike's case, he is someone important to you, and as you are important to me he is important to me by proxy, or once-removed, or something. You understand my point!

I'm aware of Asperger's syndrome, but not of it appearing in a way that it can be confused with depression. That's not something I've heard of, and as I have friends with autism-spectrum disorders (undiagnosed in some cases), I'd be interested to hear more when you know more.

Many *hugs* back to you.

Re: Huge hugs

[nitoda]

I'll certainly keep you informed - the GP said people with Aspergers are quite likely to suffer breakdown at times of stress and with Mike basically breaking down when he went to uni, following on from his father's transition, which was stress enough for any kid in and of itself it kinda makes sense. I guess when someone stops looking after themselves like he did the base diagnosis will always be depression especially if coupled with odd sleep patterns and self-harm ... if he is Asperger's then I think he must have been pretty borderline until the stress got to him. I certainly do want him to have a good diagnostic psych to check him out this time - I've had enough of the "Here are some drugs, go away and see if they sort you out" attitude with no care for accurate diagnosis. American friends simply cannot believe that a "full psychiatric workup" (whatever the h*** that is) isn't done before prescribing psychoactive drugs! The Asperger's can be a cause of depression in and of itself, of course ... though I have yet to read very much on the subject. Research will be happening ... *smile*

Doctors...

[johnckirk.livejournal.com]

This reminds me of the hassles I had with my anosmia when I was younger, to a lesser extent (i.e. mine is less of a problem than yours). Lots of the doctors refused to believe that I didn't have a sense of smell, even though the concept is documented - they'd rather call me a liar than do proper research. The only thing that helped was once I'd started convincing them, I was able to get referalls, so I had a sort of endorsement from the previous doctor. I don't know why you're changing doctor, but could you get your current one to write a covering letter for you?

Re: Doctors...

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Wasn't changing doctor on purpose - just that my usual one has a tremendously long waiting list. He's technically retired under some complicated NHS guideline, and only works 2 days a week now. Seeing that he had a waiting list of 3 weeks when he was full-time... well, you understand the problem.

Situation updated in more recent post.

[kyte.livejournal.com]

*flibbles*

That just described my depression too. That's useful to know!

*sends lots of hugs, and reminds H-L that things are and will be better*

hugs

[bekijane.livejournal.com]

Been there so often, currntly fighting with my doctor to actually put *M.E* on my sick notes. Reminding him that I'm depressed because I have no energy and hurt all the time, I'm not hurting all the time and suffering lack of energy because I'm depressed. Ever since Jevan left I've been so stressed that I don't know how I would have coped without friends to scrape me up off the floor.

So big hugs (((((((Helen-Louise))))))

Re: hugs

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Ah yes - I did suck as an email penpal, didn't I? Glad you found me somehow anyway. I heard a small amount about your breakup on uk-poly, but I haven't had time to read the list properly in a while, so I'm rather behind with it. But *hugs* back and do feel free to email me again sometime, although I just can't promise to reply promptly.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

The truly obnoxious part is that weight gain and sleeping all the time have been recognized as part of the syndrome of depression for... well, at least since DSM-III came out in 1980, in the US, and I think a similar length of time in the ICD system that the UK uses. It's long been understood that depression can go either way (i.e., insomnia OR hypersomnia, weight gain OR loss). It's not a matter of the syndrome not being properly understood, it's a matter of your doctors being ignorant, arrogant, uneducated idiots.

I'm so very sorry that happened to you. And glad to hear that you've now seen a doctor who understands. Let's hope the med adjustment works... I'll be particularly interested to hear about the, um, fluaxol? Because (as you know) we don't have it here.

pdocs..

[kixie.livejournal.com]

Mine is retiring. AAAAAAGH.

You live in Kingston, right?

There is this doctor, Dr Liebermann who worked with my current pdoc for years and years and years, very good man. He works at the Priory in...uh...Surrey. Somewhere in Surrey. I forgot where. Woking! That's it.

I don't know if you can afford to pay for private, it can be claimed off BUPA or PPP and stuff...but he's good.

My pdoc is really an amazing man, and regards his peers...well, if he respects them, they're good. I've seen him get that 'look' (because he will never slag off his peers) about doctors who have always turned out to be quacks or just bad for peoples' health. He's the one who dx'd me atypical, and has stuck to the dx and treated it - he's gotten me better three times. No one else can seem to do it. So this man, Dr Lieberman, who worked with my current doctor in the military, and works with him sometimes with patients now, well...I respect my doctor's opinion.

I know you found a doc today, but...let me know if you want numbers or something. If it doens't work out or whatever...it's important to have someone you trust.

I didn't trust mine until two years ago...*smiles* He really proved trustworthy. I started seeing him in 1995, btw.