helen-louise's journal

Back from the Download Festival which was literally a washout. Saw quite a few good bands, missed quite a few more due to the weather. Proper review later.

Yesterday's Happy Poly Moment: Husband taking "sexy" pictures of me to send to Boyfriend. I was wearing new clothes bought at Download - a t-shirt supporting the Sophie Lancaster Foundation, a gothic top with lace and roses, a dress which is so figure-hugging that it's definitely only for good self-esteem days. Pictures will also be posted here later - don't have time to resize and crop them right now (the internet does not need to see the mess of my bedroom/house!).

Yesterday's Not Sure How to Categorise Poly Moment: After I had a argument with Boyfriend, Husband contacted him over Skype to explain a few things. It's good that Richard felt able to talk to Shifty directly, but bad that we had an epic misunderstanding in the first place.

Currently working. Stressed. Annoyed with supervisor for not responding to emails. Going to talk to Disability Mentor in an hour or so.

I have been looking online for underpants for Richard for 3.5 hours now, and still not found anything suitable.

The Safe-for-Work part:
The reason I'm looking for pants is that his current ones are all full of holes. I am generally of the opinion that everyday underpants should have three, or at most, four holes. His have more than that.

The problems are as follows:
(1) Richard likes "briefs" or "slips". He does not like Y-fronts, "boxer briefs", "trunks", or boxer shorts. He certainly doesn't like the strange underwear I've found that is "like going commando" (link only borderline safe for work).

(2) Richard likes pants with a small, comfortable waistband. Not one of the ginormous pieces of elastic, over an inch thick, which seem to be fashionable these days. It is almost impossible to find "briefs" or "slips" with what I consider to be a normal waistband!

(3) Richard doesn't want words all around his belly. Seriously, what is the deal with that? It's one thing having DIESEL or AUSSIEBUM stitched around your waistband, but quite another to have CALVIN KLEIN. I just don't get what sort of man would want another man's name on his underpants. (Who isn't his boyfriend. I could understand in a cutesy sort of way if someone walked around with his partner's name on his knickers^*). Richard is easily confused in the morning, and if I gave him pants with another man's name in large letters, he might forget his own name! So far I have found Calvin Klein, Andrew Christian, Tommy Hilfiger, Hugo Boss, Emporio Armani, Olaf Benz, Joe Snyder, Bruno Banani, Alexander McQueen, James Tudor and - bizarrely, Björn Borg. And it seems to be the same Björn Borg who used to be a tennis player, as one of the designs is called Grand Slam. And they are really, hideously ugly, eye-melting fabric choices. (More eye-melting fabrics can be found at Ginch Gonch, but at least you wouldn't mistake that for your own name.)

I have joked about getting (making?) him pants that say WUZZIE along the waistband.

(4) You know how there are "big and tall" men's shops? I wish there were also "short and skinny" shops! Some men's underwear has a smallest size of 32". Richard has a 28" waist, bordering on 29" now he actually has some muscle.

So far I have looked in Marks & Spencer, John Lewis, Burton, Next, Muji, New Look (I didn't even know they did men's stuff), Uniqlo, TopMan, Sock Shop (!), American Apparel, and a load of online retailers. (Many of whom seem to specialise in alarming undies for wearing in "interesting" clubs or the type of gay cruise that happens on a boat, with no normal everyday knickers on offer). I have found some awesome environmentally-friendly/10% goes to charity pants, but in the wrong styles. Also Pants to Poverty, in the wrong styles.

Frustrated. Who'd've thought shopping for such an average-shaped person as Richard would be difficult?

( Less work-safe (though you don't have to follow the links) )


Terrifying male underwear, not even SLIGHTLY work-safe:( Read more... )


And a couple of irc logs: ( Why I love HoopyCat, part n in an ever-expanding series. )


^* Richard also insists that men don't wear knickers, they are only for women. I am Confused because I thought "knickers" was short for "knickerbockers", and hence any kind of ass-covering could be referred to as knickers. Especially if it doesn't have its own special name like boxer shorts. Opinions?

Haven't written anything here in ages. This is because I successfully achieved my goal of spending the Easter long weekend doing nothing but sleeping and playing Pokemon :)

Oh, there was some other stuff. Went shopping for trousers, my least favourite thing ever, and achieved 5 pairs that fit - including the first pair of jeans I've owned in years! Managed this by picking up every size 18/20 pair of black trousers in Marks & Spencer and analysing it by the two essential criteria of "Is there enough fabric to cover my arse?" and "Will my fat thighs fit in this?". Then took something like 12 pairs to the changing room. Discovered that in some styles the 18 Short isn't just cut down in the legs like you'd expect, but also in the arse region (what?), so I have several pairs of 18 Short but also 2 in 18 Medium. Bought multiple copies of the trousers I really liked so I don't have to go shopping again for a few more years, yay.

Also: taught a few students, delivered leaflets for the Liberal Democrats, signed the nomination papers for the local LibDem councillors (!), saw Tim & Peter and gave Tim his birthday present. Ran out of antihistamine and discovered that it really does work! (itchy, sticky, miserable eyes with bizarre watering followed).

Did not do anything towards tidying the house courtesy of Richard being at work on Saturday and paintball marshalling on Sunday (and therefore sleeping on Monday). Just as well I hadn't planned to, eh?

( Cut for mention of female anatomy and clothing to cover that part. Also contains engineering. )

I hope I am not inundated with weird spam and comments as a result of this post. Oh well. I can always repost them for us all to laugh at.